she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
pray to the hookup gods
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
