I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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