I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
