Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
