i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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