I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
