I think my fart just growled at me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
