first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize