dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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