Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
even my farts smell like vagina
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
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Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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