So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
