The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
