Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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