great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
