I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
