My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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