So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love having hate sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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