Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you win again, gameday.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
