I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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