Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
