I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
