i need an iv and a liver transplant
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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