I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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