I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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