Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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