He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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