When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So vagazzling was a success
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
