I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
