I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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