maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
