They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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