can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
