I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
