Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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