Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
