so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
