Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
