and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
