we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
