So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
