just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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