I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
