don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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