thanks...oh and i got my period
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
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I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.