My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
