Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.