This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
