Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
