Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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