just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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