Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
