im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
