Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i don't like sucking hair
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
