you traded sex for a burrito?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
