So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
