He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
