Tell her she can't have a vagina
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
