my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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