Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You don't make any sense
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