you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
