I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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