so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
