just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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