Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
