I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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