and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
