lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No subtext here. People are naked.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
