My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
