well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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